How strong do you feel?
In some ways I am stronger than ever. Until I think about all those marathons I ran in the last 10+ years. Maybe we're all a different kind of strong in midlife.
Hello, hello my friends and fellow travelers!
I’m writing from a downtown restaurant, a quieter spot on the east end I like when I’m in the mood for “earth-to-table” food as they call it here—the dishes aren’t overly, ridiculously nutritious but rather healthy-ish and hearty (I ordered the bubbling-hot shepherd’s pie, which comes in a tiny cast iron skillet with a small salad on the side). It was just what I was looking for today after a morning and afternoon of moving my body more than usual and spending time outside, running 4 1/2 miles on slushy neighborhood roads and sidewalks and along the ice-encrusted shoreline of West Grand Traverse Bay.
The vibe here this early evening is cozy. Though it’s starting to get busy; a table behind me was just sat and consists of six energetic people doing a post-holidays gift exchange, and the booth next to mine is filled with three women in their 60s or 70s who clearly know one another fairly well—I’m picking up that they’ve been friends for decades; maybe their kids grew up together? There’s a slight stilted-ness to their conversation—yet also clearly don’t share political views. (“We can just agree to disagree,” the loudest of the three declared awkwardly at one point, waving her hand before the other two women while sipping her chardonnay. She’s a no-nonsense blonde whose voice booms when she speaks; her comment comes during an increasingly heated discussion I can’t help but overhear that touches on Trump, the outgoing administration and the L.A. wildfires and how they’re being handled.)
Today has been rather perfect. And I’ve realized, sitting here next to an expansive window overlooking the lamp-lit street with a book and laptop and yummy food, that this was exactly what I needed after the whirlwind that was all three kids home for the holidays plus moving Andrew into his on-campus apartment at Grand Valley State University plus getting back into the groove of work following a good chunk of time off.
When you live in a touristy town on Lake Michigan and things have mellowed some in the off-season that is less of an off-season in more recent years, these mid-winter moments are kind of magical.
I spent the morning taking not one, but two Pilates classes. Back to back. This isn’t my norm. But when my great friend Jen asked if I’d want to take the 11 o’clock class, an easy-does-it kind of class, after my faster-paced 10 a.m. session “just for fun,” I figured, well, why not? I’d missed a couple of classes over the holidays and I was going to be there at the studio later in the morning anyway to help Jen with some videos and web content work.
I was ready to make the most of my Saturday.
I’d decided this morning to bring along my running clothes and shoes, in case I had the urge to run a few miles after Pilates. (Truth be told, I hadn’t run all week and was feeling itchy about getting outside and exploring some of my old haunts.)
I got thinking, around the time I was swearing under my breath during the first Pilates class, about strength—feeling strong physically, yes, but also having the fortitude, i.e. energy and mental endurance, to keep going, to keep at this movement thing. I am 50 now, after all. What does it look like—really look like—to be strong physically and mentally as a 50-year-old woman? As a woman going into her second half of life. What does it mean to be super f’ing strong in midlife?
This may turn into a two-part post, because I think I am also still sifting through this as I navigate (struggle with) feeling strong and capable and motivated right now. The good news? I want to feel strong, and I am willing to keep at it—to do the work to make sure I keep on keeping on. I know how important it is as we age. But I am also fascinated by my changing motivation. It’s like I recognize myself more than ever—I’m that playful young Heather after all! She’s still here!—and my body (and mind) also tell me a different story sometimes.
So, I found myself remembering a post I wrote many years ago—back in February 2011—about my views on strength. I thought it would be interesting to share this post, which originally appeared on my Michigan Runner Girl site. I was in my 30s at the time, which now that I think about it, sounds like a very long time ago. I’d love to hear your thoughts about strength, and how you’re feeling about your own ability and willingness to strive for this these days. Part two to come soon! In the meantime, what does “strength” mean to you?
February, 2011.
I’ll probably always remember being called “flat as a board” and, as only 7th grade girls and boys with no true knowledge of eating disorders could say to a fellow classmate, “anorexic.” Back then, I definitely fit the bill regarding the former, though I did not in fact identify with the latter. I was skinny, all knees and elbows, throughout my teen years, something my mom told me I’d appreciate later in life and that I was perfect and beautiful just the way I was — even if I didn’t fill out my Esprit sweatshirt or backside of a pair of jeans all that well. Eyeing the prettier, more curvaceous and “popular” girls around me, I tried hard to believe what she said was true.
Moving past those awkward junior high moments, high school proved much better for me and my body image. I had my great group of friends, I was fairly active — though not a runner — and I (mostly) embraced my late-blossoming-still-small figure. Throughout my 20s, even when I put on my share of weight thanks to Michigan State University dorm life and off-campus partying, I don’t remember worrying too much about my body because I blissfully, ignorantly leaned on my youthful metabolism (and maybe simply enjoyed eating crappy, greasy food after helping put to bed the campus daily for most the of the four years I was there). It was, as I believe it should be, a fun and pretty carefree time.
It should be said here, too, that athleticism would never, ever be attached to my name during this time.
Fast-forward to my thirties, to my post-three pregnancies/current school-age kiddos life, and I’m decidedly experiencing inner peace about my body like never before. But it’s not because I feel I have arrived at the ideal weight or shape — in fact, I still grapple with trouble spots (we all have them, right?) and I have absolutely wondered if I couldn’t just maybe have a little enhancement or something done…maybe? No, I don’t really want to, not really.
Why I really feel at ease is because of running, because I am in awe of what our bodies are capable of when we treat them right with good fuel and proper training. Which has in turn led me to admire strength more than ever before — in myself and in others. Strength not only in body but in mind and spirit. All of which, interestingly but not surprisingly enough, comes with the discipline of regular, challenging exercise.
No longer do I admire a beautiful person simply for her gorgeous hair, perfect skin or cool clothes as I once did in my youth. Sure, I still notice such things — I am human, I can be quite a girly-girl and those things can be nice — but as someone who understands the truth of beauty lying within and the hard work it takes to be strong inside and out, I now know better.
Today I am the runner who, at the start line of a race, stands humbled and proud and happy to be part of a group of people who come in all shapes and sizes with varying levels of ability yet all are committed to taking caring of themselves in the kindest and healthiest of ways.
Today I am the person who, waiting for the awards ceremony to get under way following a mid-winter race in my hometown, somewhat surprises herself by thinking, “I want that someday,” while looking at the 70+-year-old woman who just ran 5 miles and is glowing.
Give me strength, in every sense of the word. That’s what I desire, that’s what I feel I’m gaining each time I put on my running shoes and head out for a run. I felt it this past Sunday when I ran 12 windy miles out Old Mission Peninsula. And I felt it again when I ran this morning’s 4 and followed it up with a challenging Pilates reformer session. I am strong.
This outlook on life continues to evolve for me. I love Pilates and how it’s help me feel stronger yet and is an awesome complement to running, and as my world broadens and I meet and learn of other athletes (I’m an athlete now!), I find myself interested in going further yet — maybe it’s not entirely unimaginable that I’ll someday run an ultra, or complete a triathlon.
It’s equal parts exciting and overwhelming thinking about all the possibilities, of the physical challenges I am now believing are within reach.
For now, of course, I have plenty on my plate with training for my first 26.2 mile race. But it’s thrilling to think about how this could — will — be a stepping stone on a journey that years ago never really crossed my mind.
And I’d like to think that I’m giving my kids a glimpse into what they may want someday — what they should aspire to rather than feeling they don’t quite fit in because of what they may look like to everyone else. I hope they learn earlier than I did how fulfilling it is to realize your own true strength as a person, in part because of their physical efforts and accomplishments — whatever they may be.
Thank you for reading and being here today. I’d love for you to hit the ❤️ button below to let me know you enjoyed reading today’s newsletter—this helps others find the Moving Through community and also gives me a boost, if I’m honest, and couldn’t we all use a little more of that in our lives? I always like to read your comments, too, so please share your thoughts if you’d like to!
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I’ll be sharing some great podcasts, books and movies/TV that I’ve been enjoying lately in an upcoming post. I also want to share with you some ideas for great outdoor winter excursions—places that are near and dear to my heart.
More soon! xo
-Heather
I actually just hired a running/strength coach. Strength is really important to me at 64. I know that in order to keep taking care of myself as a single woman, I have to keep my muscles as much as possible. Last year I joined Crossfit and went through the year, but since I like variety in my workouts and need running for my sanity and yoga for flexibility and calm, I just wasn't consistent enough to get the Crossfit benefits. So, I'm changing my routine once again. I want to up my intensity a little in running because of the way it makes me feel, and I want to keep running with my dog for her benefit. I also need strength-training and yoga. So I'm creating a mix in the hopes it will make me more balanced. It's going to require more thoughtfulness and scheduling and maybe even more time moving, but I'm going to give it at try. I opted for a snowy trail run yesterday which did so much for me!
Heather - you are so right about strength taking on differing meanings at various stages of life. As I read your wise words and reflect on what it was like to be 50, I am aware that in just another month I will be starting my 7th decade. Reading about the glowing lady who was 70 and able to run 5 miles made me smile. I might be able to SWIM 5 miles, but run? Nope. Not on my best days! Water aerobics is my exercise of choice and I am aware that the strength I have gained is not to be taken for granted. It is work - and joy - and refreshment - and life renewing. Much like I imagine running is for my favorite Michigan Runner Girl! Here’s to becoming stronger in every way in 2025 and beyond! Sending much love from the hood!!