A stylish midlife woman

Figuring out clothing that feels and looks good these days. It's more important than we may think it is.

This painting, by Canadian artist and author Janet Hill, hangs in a frame on a wall in my office. I found the print in a cute shop in Grand Rapids a couple of years ago. The woman, her style, the idea that she’s about to head off to some place beautiful … all of it just makes me happy.

"As a woman gets older, it's more about style than fashion. A woman knowing herself more and more, and looking for new things, is getting into her own personal style, being more than just a fashion addict. I'm interested in that."

—Nicolas Ghesquière

The second time it happened, I felt like crying. My closet shelving—piled high with sweatshirts and sweaters and jeans, and sitting above a long row of hanging shirts, skirts, dresses and jackets—suddenly collapsed. For the second time in two weeks.

But after it happened again I also found myself laughing, a little, and later wondered if maybe I should have let it all out, as Tom Hanks’ character did when the clawfoot bathtub fell through the floor and shattered far below in The Money Pit.

I love that hilarious scene—this entire 80s film is one of my most favorite comedies—and there is something to be said for just laughing, hard, when the ridiculous happens.

Did that really just happen? And in my case, seeing the shambles that was my closet for yet a second time, I thought, did that really just happen again?

So it goes sometimes. We’re handed the lemon and we get to decide how we’ll take it—consume it as is, in its super-sour glory, leaving us puckered and maybe even bitter, or add water and sprinkle in sugar before gulping it down. That way, we enjoy (as much as possible) and we don’t dwell on the negative.

I don’t always stay positive in such situations, but I try. And I think I’m getting better at flexing that muscle. I do like to ruminate and hand-wring at times, but I’m no good at these things when they go on too long; they can become all consuming if I let them.

Better to attempt a smile, possibly even a giggle. And keep moving forward.

I am trying to not take myself, and this world, too seriously these days.

This is the part where I give a shout-out to Joe for handling not only the first closet collapse but also the second. And to be fair, his handiwork on the first go-around of repair was in fact impressive.

I’ll admit I likely needed to purge a few things, not to mention make better use of my dresser drawers and not have everything I own on hangers or stacked in towering piles atop the closet shelf. These steps would have helped prevent the first collapse, for sure, and the second collapse most likely, though Joe was kind about it all and assured me he just needed stronger brackets/reinforcement thingies and went and bought these items right away.

What this closet conundrum did remind me of, aside from the need to minimize and organize, was how long it’s been since I really looked at my clothing and bought anything new for myself. While I’m no fashionista—I don’t especially love with a capital L shopping for clothes, and I came to appreciate so-called staple wardrobe items later in life, in my 30s—I’ve missed the feeling of having an assortment of beloved outfits to choose from when I am staring down my options and deciding what to wear for the day.

I blame my aging, changing, midlife body. And Covid and working from home these past several years. While I’m grateful to work from home and do try to wear nice-looking tops for my Teams calls, I’m often reaching for the most comfy, easy and older items in my closet. And then there’s this: not wanting to spend too much money on clothes—even some second-hand shopping can feel expensive these days.

And yet. I do really like well-made, classically stylish, flattering-on-me clothes, even if the avenues to get said clothes aren’t always a high priority for me. While I once so enjoyed thrift shopping, I somewhere fell away from wanting to sift through a bunch of racks, even when they’re arranged by color. It has helped that Emma is a whiz at finding the most stylish, chic and reasonably priced second-hand finds, and we have fun going to Goodwill and similar shops together when I am visiting her in Grand Rapids.

I like feeling put together, and good clothes have a way of helping in this department. I’m a girl of the 80s and remember the thrill of the thumbing through the thick, heavy Sears catalog—and circling the items I desperately wanted. I went through my teenage phase of wanting, and saving up for, clothes from Guess, Esprit, Benetton.

Over the years, especially once I got into fashion more in my mid-30s, I have gotten clothes through thrifting, friends’ trunk shows (too pricey, as it happened), Stitch Fix (I still wear some of these items I once received on a fairly regular basis), Rent the Runway (I had a corporate job at the time and it was fun to “rent” these fancy clothes for awhile), local boutiques, Target and random online stores here and there.

(Left to right) Me, wearing a favorite coat in the late 1970s on a Lake Huron beach near my grandparent's farm; last fall in the UP, feeling happy in comfy day-hiking clothes; my normal summer running attire; an outfit I wore often circa 2015 (I was on the express ferry to Milwaukee when this was taken); one of my all-time favorite knit dresses that also happened to be Emma's.

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Years ago, sitting outside at cafe near downtown and sipping a coffee while typing on my laptop, an older, gray-haired man walked past me. Moments later he turned around and walked up to my table.

“Excuse me,” he said as I looked up at him standing beside me, confused by his presence because I did not recognize him.

“I am sorry to bother you,” he said, smiling kindly. “I mean this in the most respectful way. You’re a beautiful woman.”

In the brief moment that I registered what he said, before I could do much more than smile, he was walking away.

“Thank you,” I said, mystified, though I am unsure if he heard me. I remember the warm feeling I got from the compliment but also the relief that our interaction was short. It was nice but definitely not something I was used to hearing from a stranger.

I attribute the compliment to the lightweight, flattering chocolate-and-cream wrap dress I was wearing at the time. Seriously, that dress, which I’d found at a vintage shop here in Traverse City, is amazing. It’s still in my closet and maybe I should start wearing it again. I think it would still fit, probably a bit more snug now but who cares?

Conversely, there’s this: upon seeing a friend at a restaurant recently who usually only ever sees me sweat-drenched and make-up free during or post-Pilates classes, a surprised look flashed across her face.

“You look really good!” she remarked at the pizza pub where we were meeting up with mutual friends. I wasn’t overly dolled up, but I had dressed for an evening out with girlfriends—make-up on, hair curled, an outfit consisting of jeans, a cozy-stylish sweater, cute boots.

I knew she meant it as a compliment, though it came out a bit like, oh, you can actually look good, if you try. It’s fine, really; I’m often happily wearing work-out clothing and running shoes, my hair pulled into a high bun or ponytail.

Just for kicks, here’s a very, very old blog post of mine in which I share my adoration for clothes. See? It goes back a ways.

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This is what I’d like to know from you all: how do you feel about clothes right now? And listen, part of me wonders, is this too trivial to be thinking and asking about? Aren’t there bigger things, other than clothes and what is in our closets, to be worried about? Yes, probably, absolutely. Of course there are more important things.

But we all wear clothes every day of our lives. And can we all agree that feeling comfortable and happy about what we put on our bodies does have an effect on how we move through the world?

Another thing that has gotten me thinking about clothes and what I have in my closet: my upcoming weeklong England trip next month. Most days I am there I’ll be writing and connecting with fellow writers and authors—not sightseeing and going out on the town per se—and I want to feel comfortable, first and foremost. But I also want to feel good, like my clothes are fitting well and are, well, flattering. A little style would be nice, too, I won’t lie.

And that flight across the pond. I need to be extra comfortable, right? (Have I mentioned this will be my first time visiting Europe?)

So this meant finally checking out Quince,¹ a clothing company I kept hearing about, over and over, while listening to my favorite podcasts. And guess what? I found several pieces I decided to order and am super excited to try. What I liked about this site: the clothing is actually, really reasonably priced and appears to be decent quality. If you guys would like, I’ll share more about these items when I receive them—in time for my upcoming trip, I am hoping!

OK, your turn. Whether you’re in midlife or in another life stage, what does clothing mean to you? Do you care about what you wear? Has your view of style and fashion changed over time?

And if you have traveled abroad, what packing/clothing tips do you have for me, for all of us? Please share in the comments!

“You can have anything you want in life if you dress for it.” —Edith Head

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In case you missed it:

It's good to have obsessions

Keep your head up, keep your heart strong

Are you paying enough attention to your life?

Spring is almost here! 💚

Until next time,

Heather

1. I’m not getting any kickbacks for linking to this site (or others in this post). Maybe that will change if I fall madly, deeply in love with this company and they want to partner with me. You never know, right? :)